Healing & Breaking

Healing & Breaking….

I’ve been thinking a lot about what this means

To heal and to break

A few months ago I had a dream about my biological mother and my little sister. The dream was an actual memory of a situation that happened, and how it played out wasn’t good.

My mother introduced me to physical abuse at a very young age, and it’s not something you can just “forgive & forget.” There’s loads of unlearning that need untangling.

There are loads of lies that I believed about myself…that I was somehow damaged goods…that I didn’t deserve good things in my life….

I wish it was just as simple to drop the baggage ,and I believe I did at one point in time

Then it just kind of came back…

It took me a minute to actually understand that healing isn’t linear, it’s not about golden rainbows and happiness shooting out of your ass all the time.

That may be a part of the healing, but healing mostly looks like you laying on the floor and crying

And doing A LOT of that…

And writing, and crying some more…

A friend of mine told me that healing is messy and she was right

it’s so damn messy

Healing requires vulnerability and vulnerability is painful ,and breaking requires feeling your emotions and that is perfectly okay.

Allow yourself to break and give yourself some grace when breaking. Allow yourself to feel the things you’ve avoided feeling.

It’s okay to break, and it is okay to heal.

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