The Almost Breakdown

Hey beautiful people hope you all are doing well.

So I want to talk to y’all about something that happened a few years ago, looking back it was kind of dumb to freak out about but it was what I was going through at the time.

So a few years ago, I nearly had a breakdown due to me not being able to write or create anything for weeks possibly even a month.

Silly I know…

Why would I have an almost breakdown just because I couldn’t produce any new piece of writing?

I guess the reason for that was I was so used to writing practically everyday or every other day. I put so much of myself into my writing, it became my identity.

I remember sitting on the floor with my back against my bed and just so down a pit of despair, and then having the thought that maybe I’m as only as good as my last thing I wrote.

Y’all that was probably one of the most terrifying thoughts I’d ever had…

So what I nearly had a breakdown or something, its not like its the end of the world if I don’t produce any new writing within ten seconds of eachother.

Like I said, I made writing for my blog my identity, an idol. The fact that I wasn’t able to produce anything was scary as hell, I put so much of myself in my blog, into my writings, I worshipped writing.

I think the two things I forget to do is:

1. Take time away, come back to it later, you don’t want to force the creativity, let it flow naturally.

2. The other thing is to just breathe, just breathe, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to give things time.

It’s crazy because I don’t freak out as much as I used to about not producing anything, I still have my moments at times though, I’m a work in progress just like anyone else.

Social Media & Validation

What’s the biggest takeaway that I’ve learned when it comes to social media and validation?

I’ve learned that social media will never be able to fix me. It won’t bring me ultimate joy, and it definitely won’t validate me as a person.

For so long I’ve always struggled with seeking validation, how I would go about it would be very sneaky, I would put myself down or tell others my songs or poetry isn’t that good compared to others.

Another thing is I’ve posting A LOT as of late, like 3 to maybe 4 posts a day. This is currently something I’ve realized about me…well really I’ve noticed this for awhile just really didn’t want to admit to myself I actually might be an Instagram addict.

In short, my idol is Instagram…

No shocker there…

I think in my case I feel like I fall under the FOMO category, fear of missing out. I’ve had this really gnarly habit of checking Instagram whenever I’m bored, and when one is bored, dangerous habits can take form and then take over your life.

Someone I interact with on Instagram said that we need to be willing to check in with ourselves before going to the screens, and I too believe that as well, its a matter of putting that into practice that makes it hard.

I heard this song from a band called ‘The Boxer Rebellion’ they have a song called “Love Yourself” and social media isn’t gonna make us love ourselves any more or any less.

Yes social media can be a great thing, in moderation, but it can unfortunately be like a drug if we aren’t careful.

Why I Write Poetry

Hey beautiful people, hope you all are having a good end of the weekend.

So some of you know I write poetry and speak it (Spoken Word Poetry).

Now here’s the reason why I write poetry and speak it…

What you all might not know is that I tried writing poetry for the first time in 5th grade, and of course it was terrible, I tried a few more times with no success

So I did what came naturally and I gave up…

I tell you all that to tell you that in 2017, I went to see one of my favorite poets Chris Bernstorf. During one of his love poems he was performing, I just couldn’t stop smiling and I felt the Lord’s Presence and love in my chest, it was like He was telling me I was gonna write and speak poetry.

And He did just that..

Ever since that day, I’ve been writing/speaking poetry and I love it.

I write poetry because it helps me vent, I try to write real, honest poetry, I write poetry because I believe it can heal hurting people, I write poetry because its a dear friend, its a constant in my life.

I thank God for poetry, I’m grateful for poetry because words have power, and words can shape and mold people, words can heal people and its such a beautiful thing to see.

That’s why I write/speak poetry