Hey beautiful people hope you all are doing well.
So I want to talk to y’all about something that happened a few years ago, looking back it was kind of dumb to freak out about but it was what I was going through at the time.
So a few years ago, I nearly had a breakdown due to me not being able to write or create anything for weeks possibly even a month.
Silly I know…
Why would I have an almost breakdown just because I couldn’t produce any new piece of writing?
I guess the reason for that was I was so used to writing practically everyday or every other day. I put so much of myself into my writing, it became my identity.
I remember sitting on the floor with my back against my bed and just so down a pit of despair, and then having the thought that maybe I’m as only as good as my last thing I wrote.
Y’all that was probably one of the most terrifying thoughts I’d ever had…
So what I nearly had a breakdown or something, its not like its the end of the world if I don’t produce any new writing within ten seconds of eachother.
Like I said, I made writing for my blog my identity, an idol. The fact that I wasn’t able to produce anything was scary as hell, I put so much of myself in my blog, into my writings, I worshipped writing.
I think the two things I forget to do is:
1. Take time away, come back to it later, you don’t want to force the creativity, let it flow naturally.
2. The other thing is to just breathe, just breathe, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to give things time.
It’s crazy because I don’t freak out as much as I used to about not producing anything, I still have my moments at times though, I’m a work in progress just like anyone else.
What’s the biggest takeaway that I’ve learned when it comes to social media and validation?
I’ve learned that social media will never be able to fix me. It won’t bring me ultimate joy, and it definitely won’t validate me as a person.
For so long I’ve always struggled with seeking validation, how I would go about it would be very sneaky, I would put myself down or tell others my songs or poetry isn’t that good compared to others.
Another thing is I’ve posting A LOT as of late, like 3 to maybe 4 posts a day. This is currently something I’ve realized about me…well really I’ve noticed this for awhile just really didn’t want to admit to myself I actually might be an Instagram addict.
In short, my idol is Instagram…
No shocker there…
I think in my case I feel like I fall under the FOMO category, fear of missing out. I’ve had this really gnarly habit of checking Instagram whenever I’m bored, and when one is bored, dangerous habits can take form and then take over your life.
Someone I interact with on Instagram said that we need to be willing to check in with ourselves before going to the screens, and I too believe that as well, its a matter of putting that into practice that makes it hard.
I heard this song from a band called ‘The Boxer Rebellion’ they have a song called “Love Yourself” and social media isn’t gonna make us love ourselves any more or any less.
Yes social media can be a great thing, in moderation, but it can unfortunately be like a drug if we aren’t careful.
Hey beautiful people, hope you all are having a good end of the weekend.
So some of you know I write poetry and speak it (Spoken Word Poetry).
Now here’s the reason why I write poetry and speak it…
What you all might not know is that I tried writing poetry for the first time in 5th grade, and of course it was terrible, I tried a few more times with no success
So I did what came naturally and I gave up…
I tell you all that to tell you that in 2017, I went to see one of my favorite poets Chris Bernstorf. During one of his love poems he was performing, I just couldn’t stop smiling and I felt the Lord’s Presence and love in my chest, it was like He was telling me I was gonna write and speak poetry.
And He did just that..
Ever since that day, I’ve been writing/speaking poetry and I love it.
I write poetry because it helps me vent, I try to write real, honest poetry, I write poetry because I believe it can heal hurting people, I write poetry because its a dear friend, its a constant in my life.
I thank God for poetry, I’m grateful for poetry because words have power, and words can shape and mold people, words can heal people and its such a beautiful thing to see.
That’s why I write/speak poetry
Yes that’s exactly what it says, I’m tired of fake people.
I had this realization months ago and this was something I never understood until now. Not everyone that is a Christian is going to be your friend or going to want to connect with you.
That was something I should have always known I guess..
Have you ever made plans to meet up with a friend and then life happens or something out of your control happens and they cancel on you, that happens, its life.
Now has someone made up something to get out of hanging out with you, or has someone just straight up ghosted you for months on end with no explanation at all?
The latter has happened to me, and I’m not okay with that and I’m also not okay feeling like I have to initiate when people want to meet up or hang. If you want to hang out with someone, wouldn’t you want to coordinate with that person?
I’m just in a season of life where I believe you don’t know someone until you really know them. The longer you’re around someone, people’s true colors come out and you see who they really are.
I’m tired of fake friends, I’m tired of people just straight up ghosting me with no explanation, I’m just tired, if you don’t want to hang out, you tell them you don’t want to hang out, you don’t ghost them, that’s disrespectful.
If people do that in your life, just get rid of them, your life will be better off without them.
Hey everyone, this post is gonna be a little different than my normal posts. I don’t know why but today I was listening to this song by a rap artist named ‘Drake.’
He has a song called ‘Money in the Grave’ and for some reason just one line in that song had got me thinking.
“When I die put my money in the grave”
The line had me thinking “wait, you can’t take the money with you when you die, so why would want to buried with money.
Someone might think I’m putting too much thought into this and maybe you’re right, but really think about it, why would want to buried with something that isn’t gonna matter in the end, in the grand scheme of things, everything on this planet is temporary and will one day go away.
Its a depressing thought to think about sometimes but it really gets us as people to think about what really matters in this life. Jesus says to not store up treasures for ourselves here on earth but to store up treasure for ourselves in heaven where no rust or moth destroy nor thieves can steal.
I’m not saying don’t have money, shoot, bank roll for all I care. I’m saying that that stuff is temporary and we can’t take it with us once we’ve passed on. We need to focus on the things that really matter rather than be so stuck on things that only bring temporary peace. I’m writing this for myself as much as I am for the next person.
Hey beautiful people, I hope you all are doing well.
So as some of you know, I write, I write songs, I write poems, and for a couple years I had another blog called ‘APLTF’ (A Poet Learning to Forgive.) I decommissioned that blog because I was writing everyday but after awhile I couldn’t come up with anything.
I have kind of loved ,and hated writing. I hate having to write if I have to, I hate having deadlines on when something should come out, I don’t like the pressure I feel that I NEED to put out something. As I’ve said before I hate forced creativity.
I just feel its way too inauthentic if I try to get something out there or force it. Its not sincere, and for a long time I feel I’ve been in a place or season where I’ve found myself force creating songs, poems etc for creativity’s sake. For from the heart.
Its a terrifying thought for me…
Writing is a struggle, its hard to explain the things I want to get across, its a struggle, yet I enjoy the struggle, the uphill battle.
Writing is a beautiful struggle…
What I’m currently learning as a creative and as a person that I NEED, ABSOLUTELY NEED to be patient in the process.