Exchanging Pain for Love

“Walking alone to hear your pain

And feel the sound of your shame Exchanging pain for love

Exchanging pain for love”

I wrote those lyrics in 2008

So YEARS ago

I wrote it in attempt to try and grasp the feeling I felt inside of me.

That feeling of hopelessness, darkness and despair. I wanted someone to rip that feeling out of me.

I look back on it now years later with different eyes and a different perspective.

At the time that I wrote this, I wrote it in an attempt to try and be deep, because I felt so deeply within myself. I guess I was trying to process the things I didn’t know how to say.

I read it now and maybe I wrote it for the other people in my life, or for people who knew me. Maybe I wrote it to my future self….

We all have pain or some kind of trauma from our past. Maybe that pain or trauma resurfaced recently, maybe something was done to us.

Maybe it was something we did or something we said to others, and we can’t get over it….

Exchanging pain for love could mean different things to people. For me it often means writing poetry, prayer, and reading the Bible.

It also means for me to learn and relearn to love myself, learning to listen to people without shooting off at the mouth or waiting for them to finish so I can talk about something different.

It also means sometimes you don’t need to post on social media everyday, it means it’s okay to sit in the silence and be still, sometimes you don’t need the music on 24/7.

Maybe the silence is what we all need

Maybe if we exchange all our pain, all our trauma, all our past mistakes for Love, we actually will experience inner peace.


Hey everyone I hope you all are having a good day so far.

So I’m jumping right in with this one.

A few months back I did a thing where I had to look in the mirror and talk to myself.

Yes…talk to myself…

The words we use are so important, they can either tear you down or build you up. There’s something about our words that hold so much weight, we can literally bring light into someone else’s day or we can bring darkness and death.

It’s so crazy to think about, our tongue is the tiniest part of the body, yet no one can tame it. There’s a verse in the Bible that talks about this exact thing.

“Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
‭‭James‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NIV‬‬

So the basically our mouths hold power, that’s why we need to be careful what we say about others and what we say to others and also about what we say to ourselves.

I could remember for the longest time speaking so much death over myself, so much self-loathing, so much self-pity. I often called myself an ‘idiot’ to get other people to tell me I wasn’t an idiot, pretty messed up right…

Yet all that attention seeking didn’t do a whole lot for me, yeah sure it felt good to be told I wasn’t an idiot or whatever name I felt like hurling at my self esteem. I only craved that more and more until I realized how terrible it actually was.

So talking to myself in the mirror, positive affirmations have actually helped, when you say positive things to yourself, you don’t feel as heavy on the inside.

I’m no expert in this, and it’s been awhile since I’ve last put this into practice, I need to do this more often, and I’m saying this to myself as much as I’m saying this for you all.

Stay awesome y’all

Austin Jenkins


Social Media & Validation

What’s the biggest takeaway that I’ve learned when it comes to social media and validation?

I’ve learned that social media will never be able to fix me. It won’t bring me ultimate joy, and it definitely won’t validate me as a person.

For so long I’ve always struggled with seeking validation, how I would go about it would be very sneaky, I would put myself down or tell others my songs or poetry isn’t that good compared to others.

Another thing is I’ve posting A LOT as of late, like 3 to maybe 4 posts a day. This is currently something I’ve realized about me…well really I’ve noticed this for awhile just really didn’t want to admit to myself I actually might be an Instagram addict.

In short, my idol is Instagram…

No shocker there…

I think in my case I feel like I fall under the FOMO category, fear of missing out. I’ve had this really gnarly habit of checking Instagram whenever I’m bored, and when one is bored, dangerous habits can take form and then take over your life.

Someone I interact with on Instagram said that we need to be willing to check in with ourselves before going to the screens, and I too believe that as well, its a matter of putting that into practice that makes it hard.

I heard this song from a band called ‘The Boxer Rebellion’ they have a song called “Love Yourself” and social media isn’t gonna make us love ourselves any more or any less.

Yes social media can be a great thing, in moderation, but it can unfortunately be like a drug if we aren’t careful.